Loss and Grief

Considering how strong our avoidance is, it isn’t surprising that there is a lot of confusion about the definition of grief. Often the words “grieving” and “mourning” are used interchangeably but in fact, they mean different things.

Grief refers to the feelings you experience when you have a loss. These include sadness, emptiness, anger, loneliness, despair, fear, and desperation. When a person is grieving, it means they are experiencing feelings such as these. Other grief reactions are listed here.

Mourning is giving outward expression to grief. Wearing certain clothing, participating in a farewell ritual, weeping while speaking about a loss, writing about it or visiting a place associated with it are all examples of mourning. It is everything you do to express your grief and actively work through the process of making peace with the loss.

Loss is a fundamental aspect of the human experience. Feeling sorrow is a fundamental aspect of human nature. If there were no loss for us to feel, we would be other than human and living something other than a human existence.

     Grief is not bad. Grief is not a sickness. It is a normal, healthy response. It's natural to feel grief when you have a loss, just like it is natural to feel fear when you are in danger, and joy when something good happens to you. That's what makes you human. That's the way it's supposed to be.
     We have talked ourselves into believing it is NOT the way we're supposed to be. We think there is something wrong with us if we feel grief. We try in whatever ways we can, as individuals and as a society, to delete part of our very nature - our capacity to experience our love for something through our feelings of grief. Grief deserves a place of honour, because when you acknowledge grief, you are acknowledging love.
     Sorrow is the healing response to the wound we call loss. A void has been left where there was once something valued. The process of grieving and mourning doesn’t fill the void, but rather helps it close. It is a process of integrating the experience of loss into the totality of your life experience. As you do that, you will temporarily experience some intense pain.
     When the pain you release goes, it goes for good. Traces usually remain even after a process of deep mourning. This grief may be experienced occassionally throughout your life. It's like a quiet echo. It's love calling back to you.
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